Stop where you stand [CAELAN]

When Nate had come back to the room, Caelan had still been fast asleep so he didn't know a thing. He didn't know that Devan knew, he didn't even know what to think if he figured it out. All he wanted to do was get some time to himself, think over things. Plus he noticed how his friend had avoided him. Devan must be tired of him, Caelan was not an easy person to be around so it couldn't be so shocking really. This whole situation had been really hard for him. The fact that he didn't openly date someone made it harder. For him it was all the matter of being suddenly refused. What could he end up saying right now? Probably not a darn thing, so with a small laugh he had left his afternoon classes with apologies just to go back to the dorm. He felt so tired, a few days away might do him some good. Yes he would be learning, but so what. His father had probably been contacted by Nate. It would not be surprising.

He didn't want to get in Devan's way, so he thought of leaving early. But then he'd just be sitting outside at the gates for hours. Which didn't sound very appealing to him either. So Caelan just packed his over night bag and went to the pool instead. At least he'd get some fun out of his life for a couple hours. He could just forget all of his problems. How Devan seemed tired of him. How Nate seemed to be plotting something, and Caelan probably knew exactly what it was. Though he kept those thoughts to himself. Best idea right there. Bringing it up would only end up hurting him more , or stressing him out a lot more at that.

He only walked up to the gates after class was over. This was not good, it didn't make him feel better. He didn't want to do, but Caelan had to. It was part of his training apparently though if Nate set it up. It was just to relax him. Or get him away from his stress, his lonely nature should have come back up. But not it hadn't what was he supposed to do. With a small sigh he just wondered if anyone would stop him? Probably not. This was already so confusing, and it made him feel so weird. Since Caelan had it set in his head that Devan was tired of him all he did was keep walking away. Trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to do really.

Caelan had to remember his boyfriend didn't know him that way, didn't want anything to do with him. And just the thought of it made his chest hurt. It didn't help that he saw Devan, but Caelan didn't know what to say he just waved at him with that small, faded smile again. He didn't know what to do. It really made him hurt, he was just sick to his stomach at the idea of seeing him but he did not know what to say. But he eventually just forced out the words."Hey Devan, what are you pacing about this time?" He didn't know what Nate had done, or what Nate had said to Devan. So what was he supposed to think. Brothers liked to do things in weird ways, so who knew what his little brother did.

He didn't even get what Devan was doing, Caelan had no idea what he was even supposed to say. It only made him feel really awkward, but of course would it matter. No doubt he was going to hear about how screwed up he was. Since of course his ex-boyfriend had gotten tired of him suddenly. "E-eh? What the hell Devan? What I in trouble for." He only rolled his eyes, of course he'd rather not think about this. He knew that his ex was avoiding him, ignoring him and so on. So of course he didn't stay with him in that room. Nope instead he went to stay with Nate. It made him feel a lot better there, even if he missed Devan. At least there he didn't have to think he was being avoided. If anything Caelan could just blame himself for avoiding Devan even if that wasn't entirely the case. He only stood there playing with his over night bag. What was Devan's issue? He had been the one doing the avoiding after all. So how would yelling at him change a darn thing.

"Really why am I in trouble? I haven't done a darn thing." He only laughed, as if this didn't bother him. So what if Devan thought that, he figured the male already didn't care. But of course that was also life, so what was he going to even do right now. Apparently? Right. What was he going to do, he didn't entirely tell Devan he was going somewhere but who cared. Caelan only glanced at him with that confused look. Not as if he knew what to say about any of this right now, he couldn't do anything. He couldn't change what someone might want him too. Caelan was not that much of a miracle worker anyway. And Devan had gone out of his way to avoid him anyway. So why did it even matter.

"Remember you avoided me first Devan. So don't put this on me. If you noticed I was gone why not just find me. I did say I was staying with Nate, unless you don't read now." He grumbled, and just shook this off quickly. He needed to relax a little bit. That sounded a lot better to him at this point really. "Because I have hunting stuff to do, and I would have told you before. But no, you were avoiding me. So explain that to me." He said, though he didn't sound angry. All he wanted to do was know why Devan had been doing that. Right now it only seemed to end up annoying him a little bit. What was he going to do.

Why couldn't Devan just explain it then understand what he felt too.

He needed to think clearly about this, but did it even matter? Devan had been avoiding him so Caelan felt weird. He almost didn't know how to handle this, after all it might not end up doing him any good. Not now, hardly ever. Those sort of things anyway. He did not know how to talk about this, or even what to say. Devan had made him feel like utter crap. And he was hardly sure how to even deal with that. Basically. He didn't know what to say about that hurt expression either. Why did Devan have to look so sad? He was the one who had avoided Caelan. Which really made Caelan irritated, but what was he supposed to do. How could he even say this? It'd probably not matter. He had never been good at talking about his feelings, or such like that to people. It took Devan forever to get him to listen.

"No dammit. It wasn't, Nate didn't need me. Well yes he did, but no it was because of you! you were avoiding me you jerk! I didn't know what to do, you were probably tired of me. Devan I'm not a mind reader." He grumbled, then wondered what he was truly going to do. This made him feel so tired, so stressed. Having his friend around was a bit awkward to him and yet he'd rather make things somewhat better. Right? What was he doing? What was he supposed to do. How was he supposed to talk about these things. It made him feel so awkward and basically so stressed out, how could he figure this out without messing this up. "Come on tell me! what were you so busy with?" He could only grumble a little bit. This was just too annoying basically.

"If you need me here, then tell me the truth Devan.Why are you avoiding me?This is really annoying." He was just trying to figure out his emotions. Though it'd probably not end up doing any good. Mostly. Yet perhaps he was just stuck in this awkward as all heck situation. "Please...come on. Just tell me Devan, I'm only going away for a few days because I thought you didn't want to be around me. So Nate called father..." He sighed, and wondered what he was going to do. Right now this only confused him. Or it made him feel really strange. Probably not his best idea at this point.

Caelan was irritated, those feelings from when they were dating before had surfaced again.

This was so annoying, Caelan didn't get why Devan was making a big deal out of things. What good would it even do? Not a darn thing. He was just going to wander away regardless. He wanted the truth but no of course he wouldn't tell him. Devan avoided the truth way too much and it annoyed him. So what was he going to do about that? Not a thing. With a small grumble he just tugged the bag back but let go when Devan wanted it. "Tch fine whatever. You keep hiding shit from me anyway." He rolled his eyes and turned his back on Devan, this was for the best. Let Devan hate him. Then he'd be able to move on with his life. Caelan could remain alone he knew that. It was just his life and he'd slowly begun to actually accept that. Even if he shouldn't have.

"Nice man. Real nice, I trust you but you don't trust me. I see. Just take it back to the room then I'm going to the cafeteria to eat." Without you. He had wanted to add, but no he didn't. Instead he just started to walk, maybe he'd jump over the gate and not care. He didn't need a bag after all his home allowed him not to need it. Since his home had a lot of places in it basically. This didn't even matter. Caelan could only think of getting the heck out of here. Though it'd probably not end up changing matters. He already felt like crap.

"You need to start telling me things. If you wish to know what I do, then you'll stop hiding things from me." he said as he didn't look at Devan. He thought about just walking out the gate instead so he changed his path. Maybe if only just to test what he'd do. Or how far he'd go for that matter. Devan always seemed to be so wrapped up in his own world.

He didn't know what to do, so he didn't follow. No Caelan had tried to go a different direction. Anything to get him out of this place. He'd at least be able to relax then. Maybe. For a little while. Devan had a habit of stressing Caelan out, even more so when he knew that his ex boyfriend didn't remember a darn thing. It had to be hard enough to go through the motions of knowing what the one he liked didn't know. Awkward right? All of it depending on what might happen and if Devan ever managed to remember a darn thing at this point. "Am I? So you know me that well huh? fine whatever." He was trying to get Devan to go away. Anything to just make him go away sounded really good right now. He still felt bad though so Caelan's temper faded pretty fast. He just couldn't fake that for long, depression was harder to hide now but he'd deal. As he always did before. Before all of this happened.

The boy did not pull his hand back, though he was really not happy about things. Why would he be? It almost confused him a lot more then it might actually be worth. Right? Perhaps? Who knew, he just felt that he was not in a lucky situation for any of this right now. And probably never would be at that rate. Right? So he wanted to fix things with Devan but he didn't know how to. Not being able to express his feelings was hard enough. It had been for awhile technically. Anyway for now he tried to not dwell on this too much, where would they go? This was something he wanted to know that was for sure. Anyway at the very least that was what he wanted. Not that he needed to even bring any of that up. If Devan knew him well enough he'd eventually see it. Now if only he could get his memories back.

That had always been one of those things Caelan wished for him. But now it was just making him want to smack Devan as they walked. Wherever they'd go from here. "WHAT HAPPENED! You never tell me a damn thing, if it's just a dream then how can it hurt to talk about it? It's just like those dreams you had as a kid. I didn't give a crap then and I sure as hell don't care about how weird or whatever they are now. If it was about me then a simple hint of it's not you would be nice, like seriously Devan I can't read your mind an-I mean at all." When they had been dating it was a bit easier to read him maybe. And he knew how to get Devan to tell him. Now anything he knew would just seem wrong and not allowed. Go figure, what little luck he had was starting to get irritating.

"You can, you aren't weak Devan. I know that much. I just...I don't know. I'm dealing with something okay. And you avoiding me didn't make it any better." He had that typical expression on his face. That one that he used to have every time something bad happened. But Devan's reaction wouldn't be the same, they'd probably fight all over again. Who even knew at this point it seemed really awkward. "If you stop hiding things from me I'll help you again but I hate feeling like I'm just a burden to you, or something...pointless." He said as he just kept looking down now, trying to open up about his feelings was harder then it seemed.

He didn't know what to say or what to do right now. It wasn't likely that it'd do him any good but who even cared. Right? So perhaps he needed to figure it out some other way. Rather then messing shit up. He never had any luck, not by this point anyway. Caelan really did feel bad, this made him really upset. In a bad way, and maybe a good way. After all they needed to learn about this. It would not change if they didn't. For now he almost wished to make all of this go away. Not likely that it'd end up happening though. Not at this point apparently. Why did this have to happen? Devan not remembering him hurt more then enough right now. And it was already quite stressful if he wished to think about that. More or less but of course he'd rather not get dragged into it. What good was it going to do? At least at this point anyway. Devan loved him still right? Somewhere under all that not remembering he still had the feelings. Right? Caelan could only hope so.

"I know I guess..." He stopped and just looked around, he was not sure how to say this. It all made him feel so darn uncomfortable. What was he supposed to do about that? This made him feel really weird more so. Caelan didn't know what to say, he really liked his friend. More then just a random friend pretty much. This was just how those things were pretty much. And he didn't mind having his friend here, but not being able to admit his feelings. That was already strange enough to begin with. At least for now anyway. "I'm sorry." The boy mumbled as he tried to look down again. He couldn't face Devan. Caelan's energy was so low right now. Fighting away his feelings was hard enough and it left him drained a lot. Which was annoying in general right now wasn't it? He tried to make sense out of things the best way he could. But for him that was hard.

He only looked at the hand and gave a small nod. This wouldn't bother him. Not now, not ever. He didn't want to lose Devan to anyone. It'd only end up hurting him so much more if he ended up hurting him. Right? This had one of those foreign things written all over it. Yet he was supposed to know about this. He should have known about this, even when he didn't want to. "What I'm hiding is...different in a way. It's probably in that person's best interest that they don't know. Sorry let's go." He knew they'd just go back to the room, but then what they did? Who knew, he wasn't going to ask that question.

He wouldn't fight him for now. Since he wanted to just go to the room and get this over with.

Caelan felt so weird about this, what was he supposed to say, right now this was already pretty awkward. More or less he didn't know what to say. He felt really bad, as if he was going to hurt Devan again. Which was not something he wanted to do. This confused him, yet he also felt really bad about it. He loved this man, but did this man feel anything for him anymore? Probably not. It made him feel so awkward, but for now he'd just try to figure out what he was doing. What he was supposed to say, or what he was going to do. At this point anyway. Part of him felt as if this might be really strange and out of place for both of them. Really it was already strange enough. The fact that his ex-boyfriend was right here and yet had no idea. To be honest it was so strange and confusing basically. What could he end up saying? This already made him really odd. What could he do. Yet he almost wondered what he could say. Devan was sorry, did he worry?

This whole time things were awkward enough, and he couldn't be sure what to do about that. It made him feel seriously weird and lost in ten times of ways. Basically. So perhaps he needed to figure out where to go from here. Right now it might make him feel seriously awkward. Though for the moment he could only wonder what might end up running through both of them right now. He felt lost in so many ways, to be completely honest. Though this was making him feel a lot better at least. For right now anyway. "Y-you are?" He blushed and this felt really awkward. What was he supposed to say? How could he make sense out of this, it was already strange enough for him now if he wanted to be completely honest with things anyway.

Look at him? What did he want? This was so confusing but the boy looked at him. Wondering just what was going to happen. Right now it'd probably not end up meaning very much. He felt so strange, and almost completely lost in his own little world at that one. He only blinked a bit questioning where this was going to go. What was he supposed to say, he was feeling a bit dizzy and tired. Yet it might not do any good. Not right now, at this point anyway but what was he going to say. He got caught off guard so much by the kiss. Caelan had no idea what to do on this one, he liked it. And he wanted more. What was he going to do? Could he ask for more. Perhaps not at that very moment anyway.

He was still, Caelan couldn't move, he just found himself looking back at Devan almost completely confused. Just what was happening here. Apparently not very much but did it even matter? He just touched his lips and squeaked. His mind was starting to spin even more now it seemed. What else could he say about it? It'd probably not end up doing any good. "D-devan...why? I-I mean I don't mind, but are you okay?" He asked with that confused look, Did Devan remember something was that why? Or was it something else.